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Times are a’changin May 10, 2010

Posted by Lauren Cooke in Life, Chatter & Politics.
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Life is… well… interesting at the moment. What was a steady, stable and downright predictable way of living has, in the space of a week, been turned on its head. There hasn’t been any disaster (in fact, this was all deliberately self-inflicted), but it is quite a surreal set of events, and a set that leaves me excited and terrified at the same moment.

Let me elaborate, as I am aware that I am not making much sense.

Ben and I are not going to be living together any more. Once we have handed in our notice we will be moving out to separate flats, which is the process that I am going through today – searching for suitable flat shares and emailing to see if the rooms are still available at all. The process itself is quite exciting, it tinges the air with a scent of new beginnings, freedom and change.

However, in many other ways the decision and direction that we are going in is strange. We love each other. We really do. But for the past 6 months, maybe even a year, we have become disenchanted with one another. Where once we chatted and flirted, we have descended into a sad silence, an empty space filled with nothing more than disappointment. Living together was killing us, and it was killing our relationship. With this in mind, we have decided that we need change, and we need our own space – but the very act of embarking on this feels like it is as much a step backwards as it is a huge leap forwards.

However, without this my relationship would not have a chance to survive. We were young when we moved in together, fresh out of uni, and I realise now that perhaps we should have had an opportunity to be young, wild and free. To be boyfriend and girlfriend, rather than live in partners. The choice, therefore, is between breaking up, or staying together and moving out.

Because I love him, I think this relationship is worth fighting for, I think it is worth putting the effort in. If, after all this, we do break up, then so be it – but we will both know that we did everything humanly possible to give each other a second chance, to fight for something we really, truly believe in. Because isn’t it worth trying, if you really care?

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Comments»

1. Roisin - May 10, 2010

I think the decision you’ve made is a really mature way to look at things, and it should give your relationship space to flourish. I hope it all works out for the best for both of you, but remember that you have lots of friends locally who are looking out for you and will be there to support you through this x

2. Caroline - May 10, 2010

I think what you’re both doing is very brave – and yes, absolutely it is worth fighting for something you believe in. Living together but apart is difficult, but it does work for many – indeed it’s an idea that almost appeals to me now that I’ve fallen in love with having my own space.

I think when you’re young and naive the idea of living in one another’s pockets, of surviving on love alone, feeding off your proximity to one another and not needing space to yourself is very romantic. But in reality it is completely inpractical. We don’t stop growing into ourselves or settle into our personality just because we stop growing taller; people grow together and grow apart. It’s not necessarily a reflection on your feelings for one another that your priorities have shifted, or that you need your own space and time to explore them.

Life is not chick lit: love and independence do not have to be mutually exclusive.

Love you sweetie xxxx

3. Toni - May 10, 2010

Exceedingly brave and honest, and time may show that to have been the saving point. No doubt, living with someone alters a dynamic, and I think it’s incredibly brave to acknowledge that the change isn’t working for you at the moment and to try something else. You’re giving it the best shot at survival by making this decision, even though it’s inevitably tough.

The best of luck x

4. Kate - May 10, 2010

I know it must be a scary time but it seems like you are making some positive changes for the sake of your relationship. Good luck with everything honey. xx

5. Amber - May 10, 2010

I can only echo what everyone else has said, and add that I’m really sorry to hear it’s come to this, but I’m sure you’re doing everything you can to make it work, which is truly admirable. Best of luck with the flat hunt!


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