How I am Me May 13, 2010Posted by Lauren Cooke in Life, Chatter & Politics, Wordy Business.
Tags: friends, identity, Life, Love
Thanks to the wonderful Cie and Nat, I have been musing today. Musing, and perhaps moping a little, because I doubt I will ever be able to write anything half as eloquent as they have. In spite of this, however, I have decided to see if I can scribble down some of the things that have made me the person I am today.
I often wonder if I have always been “me”. Thanks to my wonderful parents, I had it drilled into me from a young age that I can be anything, and anyone, that I want to be. I spent most of my childhood trying to decide between being a fireman (yes, I hadn’t quite grasped gender) and a writer. Later on I set my sights on being an architect, until I realised I found the nitty gritty a little boring. If I had had any interest in being an astronaut, I have no doubt that I would have believed completely and utterly that I could do it, if I just put the effort in. For this, I salute my parents. Despite the fact that (as with most people) I had low self-esteem, my parents had still managed to instill in me a sense of self belief, and because of this I am quite grounded in who I am.
In fact, I think the me I am now is almost entirely down to my parents. Their views, their beliefs, the fact that they love me no matter what – this has created the me that has a well-rounded collection of opinions of my own. Without them I doubt I would be someone I respected, and I am so glad I am lucky enough to be close to them.
However, there is more to me that just the way I was bought up. Sixth Form was what really shaped me, discovering groups of friends and a social side to myself that I never knew existed. In a matter of weeks I suddenly established a network of friends who I was inseparable from. Never before or since have I known a group quite so close-knit - they saw every side of me, and supported me through all the dark times without hesitation. This was followed by uni, a time that hard, and sad, and brilliant and fabulous – with people to match.
I wouldn’t be the person I am today without my friends, although I see them far too rarely. People at home in Devon, who stopped me drifting away, are only seen a few times a year. My uni friends too are seen too rarely, although I love that they let me be as mad as silly as I want, and that they will join in. I hope that one day we will all live closer to each other, so that I will be able to see you more – and I promise that I will phone more often so that we can keep in contact. Thankfully now I have friends in the area who are shaping up to be very important people in my life, and of course I have Ben, who knows me inside and out – and has been house training me for some time now.
Sometimes, however, I wonder what it must be like to have a friend like Cie has in Nat and vica-versa. A person with whom you have shared a long relationship, someone you love completely and who loves you back. Someone who makes you brilliant and wonderful, and the very best version of yourself that you can be. I don’t have this yet, but I hope that one day I will. For now, however, I will just keep being deeply envious, and respectful of their wonderful relationship.