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The Whirring Of A Spiralling Mind May 2, 2011

Posted by Lauren Cooke in Depression.
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You may have noticed that the happier I am, the less I write. Something about my previously default position of melancholy made for plenty of writing fodder, and now that I am happily drifting through life in a fog of chirpiness, the need to whine and complain is somewhat reduced.

Still, some days you just feel a little fragile.

Today was actually a wonderful day. I learnt all about the cracking of the enigma codes at Bletchly Park, and wandered around with a peculiar combination of fascination and blank wonderment at the idea that anyone could naturally get their heads around that many numbers and concepts.

Still, this evening I am tired. I am slumped on the sofa, a book and a laptop within easy reach of my lazy fingers. I can also feel my mind whirring – I got to thinking about my trip, and that rather vocal mental voice started gibbering and worrying away. You see, I am terrified. The terror is growing steadily, day by day. I am freaking out about money, about the trip itself, about the growing sense of inevitability as the due date trips ever closer.

The feeling is horrible. A deep sickness deep in my belly, a fuzzy feverish buzz in my mind that threatens at any moment to bubble over and make me swoon and panic. I need a big hug, and some chocolate, and an appeasement of the deadline.

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1. annie - May 6, 2011

Ahh! But all that fear translates into the most incredible adrenalin rush when you set off. A heightened view of a brand new part of the world to discover.People all over the world are just people, some will help you some won’t. Your intuition is strong so just listen to it well and you will have the most incredible time with ups and downs the same as always. You have the back up of friends and family and the ability to talk to anyone you meet. WOW! I wish I could come with you! Annie


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