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Forgotten along the way May 11, 2011

Posted by Lauren Cooke in Depression.
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OK guys, gear yourself up for an insecure blog post. My morose sessions have become so occasional that I almost feel bad posting my whiney posts, but it is my blog after all!

So, one of my big things in life is working out if I’m likeable. People seem to get on with me in a crowd, but when it comes to one on one conversation I think I am lacking. I think I have some intangible quality that means people just aren’t that bothered about being a close friend – I belong on the peripheries of a group. There is that beautiful line – I spend my life on the outside looking in.

It is funny. I actually rather like myself, in a

Sometimes I feel that this natural tendency means I am forgotten. Noone invites me to things, noone ever wants to meet up with me for coffee.  I hear about this constant meeting up everyone else has, and I just float by, spending night after night alone and completely behind on the gossip. If I do try to organise things, like nights at the pub, noone ever comes, and it has got to the point where I am spectacularly paranoid about anything I try to organise. I haven’t tried to organise anything in months, only breaking the pattern because I thought my leaving do would be important enough for people to feel guilty if they couldn’t be bothered to come.

Maybe I’m reading too much into things. But this feeling? This feeling lingers anyway.

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Comments»

1. FatChan101 - May 11, 2011

I have never met you in a group and I think you are a fabulous… so much so in fact that I greatly miss your company and hope that soon we can meet up again for drinks and the like. I find it very hard to believe that anyone could possibly not like you, I simply shall not accept it. You are a wonder-mint my dear, fresh and delicious and always required :) x

Lauren Cooke - May 12, 2011

Thank you :) We will meet up soon! Loving the wonder-mint analogy too!

2. gph3 - May 11, 2011

its not you its them. One of the challendges of being creative and genius is that people won’t understand you. many won’t a few will.

3. Helen - May 12, 2011

I have been in that paranoid phase before…..and I’ll be honest I don’t think it ever leaves you, you just learn to either listen or ignore you. I think you’re fabulous and love sopending 1-2-1 time with you…. it’s just that people are time poor sometimes (and in my cash cash poor too!)
H xx

Lauren Cooke - May 12, 2011

Aw thank you huni, I know you are seriously time/cash poor, we will get around to meeting up one day! I don’t think I was referring to anyone in particular, just that feeling you get sometimes in general. Love you! xxx

4. Bonita - May 12, 2011

~ * ♥ * ~

I must say this post really touched me Lauren, mostly because I often feel the same way. I keep telling myself that I am being overly sensitive and should get over it but that’s not always easy is it! For what it’s worth, I think you’d be surprised how many people want to have you around.

I am sending cyber hugs in the hope that that will make you feel better. *hugs*

xox,
bonita of Depict This!
~ * ♥ * ~

Lauren Cooke - May 13, 2011

Hi Bonita

Thanks for this comment, it is always so nice to know that others are feeling what you are feeling. Adn whilst I expect both of us are just being a little silly, it is comforting to think that maybe people do actually want us around :) Which I am sure they do!

Cyber hugs right back at ya!

xxx

5. Caroline - May 13, 2011

I think time-poor definitely comes into it: I know how often I have to turn down one-on-one time with people (have been trying to organise an elusive “coffee” with Lysy, for e.g. for several months now!) and Nat actually started the year by booking in a date-night with me once every two months for the entire year! For me, the group events are just a great way to ensure I get in as many people as possible at once – time-saving, essentially!

As for the paranoia… Well, as things stand you all know I’m not around at weekends, and I know y’all know that. But I STILL had to doublecheck with Carys last weekend as to whether I was deliberately being left out of invites to the park/pub/cinema/etc – just to quell the insecurity. I think we all feel it a little! xx

Lauren Cooke - May 13, 2011

Yes, time-poor is definitely a consideration – I think we are all a bit short on the stuff! I think I was just going through a random self-pitying patch of feeling like I might be being left out of group stuff, which I’m sure (now I’m out of that mood!) that I’m not!

xxx


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