New Blog Address – http://thezombiewearsvintage.com November 28, 2011
Posted by Lauren Cooke in Blogs, Life, Chatter & Politics.add a comment
Hi All
My last post on here – I am, as of today, blogging over at my new, streamlined blog, The Zombie Wears Vintage. It’s going to be like here, but much much better!
Please update the URL in Google Reader etc and subscribe, I would hate to leave you behind 
All is OK, and Moving On November 17, 2011
Posted by Lauren Cooke in Depression, Family.Tags: blogging, Family, Love
2 comments
Hush, little brain. Things are OK. Thank heaven for parents though.
I arrived back in the UK last week – I’ve never been so glad to see the rolling hills, to hear the copious pleases and thank yous (O America, how rude you seem!), and to rejoice in the wonderfulness of being back. I went straight home to see the parents, of course, and it was there that advice was expertly dispensed.
I had been questioning my relationship decisions since they were made, checking the boy’s Facebook page like an addict, and generally moping and whining. Which, you know, I’m fond of doing. And the parents made me realise that which I already knew… that expecting everything to feel the same after a trip like that was naive in the extreme. Time had passed, and I assumed because life was more fluid and different, that must mean I wasn’t in love. Turns out I am, quite a lot, but I nearly missed it because I got scared and presumptuous.
So, I think I have started mending things and fixing woes. I think everything will be OK. Better than OK maybe. Thank god for parents!
On another note, I think the time may have come to move on from this blog, to organise my life. I’ll still be blogging, but I’m going to do it somewhere else – I’ll let you know the link when I do! It’s just clean slate time… moving away from the depression and life that was on this blog, and starting afresh. I hope you’ll come with me!
I wish things were different… November 3, 2011
Posted by Lauren Cooke in Uncategorized.3 comments
Here I am, only a little while from returning home. I need to find somewhere to live, I need to rediscover my social life, I need to figure out if I can remember how to do my job. I am also coming back single, and full of regret.
You see, I was always scared about going away when in a relationship. It was fresh and new, in the grander scheme of things, but it was the first relationship where I have felt love like it. I was so in love. But even knowing this, I was scared. I don’t trust myself much, I know the flawed set up and weaknesses of my stupid stupid brain more than anyone ever else will, and I knew that this trip would affect me in ways that the person left home wouldn’t be involved in.
I was right. I changed. When the time came to see that lovely boy again, things had happened that changed it all. After all that time, my brain had forgotten. I no longer knew with that previous solidity what I felt. I wasn’t the same person, and I couldn’t figure myself out, let alone me in relation to anyone else. So, despite the fact I may be throwing away the best thing that’s ever happened to me, I ended it. It hurt me, so I dread to think how it hurt the innocent party. It was selfish, and maybe it says the most about me that selfishness was the only path I saw forward.
So, life is starting over in a few weeks. I’m still feeling the jaws of New Zealand threatening to devour me, and I’m terrified of home. I don’t know if I’ll even have one.
I’ve had an amazing time, but I still wish it wasn’t happening like this.
