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Nightmares August 4, 2008

Posted by Lauren Cooke in Uncategorized.
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I had a horrible nightmare on Saturday night.

I only have nightmares rarely, probably due to the regularity and vividness of my day to day dreaming. So experienced with my nightly imaginings am I that even when the subject matters is sinister or cruel, I am usually aware of the fact it was a dream. However, in the past couple of weeks even this awareness hasn’t been enough to stop me from getting completely terrified on a number of occasions. Do I have deep seated worries working their way into my subconscious? Is my imagination doing me no favours?

I shall tell you about the content of my Saturday dream, and you can see for yourself. Bear in mind though, this dream scared me so much that I woke up at 6 am and sobbed and sobbed. Actual full dragon tears dampening my pillow and worrying my boyfriend.

The dream mainly concerned me and Ben. In it, I had been his childhood friend, watching him grownup and sticking resolutely by his side through the terrible things that happened to him. Now in my dream (and NOT in real life, I hasten to add) he had witnessed murder, been abused, been completely mistreated, and everyone had predicted that when he was older he would be screwed up, mad and dangerous. I, however, refused to believe it, and always had hope in him. Come our teens we kissed for the first time, and I remember thinking in the dream that life was perfect.

Then it all went wrong – one day Ben saw someone who had hurt him as a child – a teacher who had scarred him both physically and mentally with a knife. Something cracked, and I watched the man I knew and loved turn from someone resolutely avoiding the dark path he may have trodden, into instead someone with a bloodthirsty gleam in his eye.

In the dream I watched in horror as he picked up a variety of knifes, and set off to track down this teacher. Killing many on the way, he brutally murdered anyone who got in his path. Never at any point through this did I catch myself losing hope in him – it never even crossed my mind that he might harm me. Indeed, I ran up to him, taking him in my arms and trying (as I seemed to have so many times before) to bring him back to the here and now.

Instead he pinned me to the floor, madness in his eyes, and raised the knife. I had a knife of my own, but was incapable of hurting him to defend myself – instead I watched in horror as the one person I believed in above all else became the one to kill me.

And woke up terrified and sobbing. I spent the whole day feeling shaken too!

So now do you see why I was so scared?!

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