Depressed Bunnies December 4, 2008Posted by Lauren Cooke in Uncategorized.
Tags: anorrexia, bulimia, Depression, dieting, diets, hypnosis, nail biting, weigh loss
Well, I am not a happy bunny. Woke up this morning with the weight of the world on my shoulder – the impending doom and gloom finally landed on my head with a big, fat and resoundingly dismal plop.
I’ve been having trouble raising a smile for a few days now (saw the doctor the other day, I am now technically free from any anti-depressants, resulting in the melancholy you are witnessing here). This feeling of down-in-the-dumps-ness (has anyone noticed how I love to string my words together?) isn’t helped by the fact that day by day I am fitting into less and less of my clothes, clothes which I love and adore. My target is to get down to an 8 at some point in the future, to fit back in them.
What shocks me is that I am NOT that girl. I haven’t got body hangups, I am realistic and sensible. Yet here I am, joining the unfortunate and overlook hoards who cannot bear to look at themselves in the mirror. I am totally aware of the growth of this complete disillusionment, I know that I am seeing my body a million times fatter than any passer by. Yet, much to my terror, I can’t seem to stop feeling like this. I have even (and here is where I am too honest, and people run away in horror) thought about throwing up when I eat too much, because I only realise right after I have finished eating just how much I have devoured.
I wonder if these worries are somehow born of the fact that my body has suddenly and without warning been forced to go happy pill cold turkey. If the resulting chemical cock up in my head has thrown my reactions and interpretations completely out of whack? Will, with a few weeks dosing of the miracle pills, my brain reset?
The alternative explanation is that I have more to worry about than just the depression, which I can fix. Maybe I am truly becoming horrifically body conscious, to the point of idiocy.
Perhaps, as I have been meaning to do for ages, I should get my ass to a hypnotist. And as well as hopefully sorting out my nail biting issues, I can start changing these new views about appearance and food before they get too ingrained.
God, what is going on with me?! Sometimes, just sometimes, I really wish I was normal.