Why clothes are out to get us… April 27, 2009Posted by Lauren Cooke in Advice, Fashion, Rants.
Tags: cullottes, depression chic, Fashion, jeans, pants man, paper fashion, shoulder pads, skorts
Fashion is, as we all know, a fickle friend. Blasting out of every speaker and dancing across the screen of all TVs, plastered across billboards and in all shop windows. It is impossible to miss, impossible to follow.
“Wear prints and only prints!!” One poster screams. “A Bold colour: The only way to go!!!” screams another. White is the new black, yellow is the new pink, orange is the new polka-dot. Now gingham is cool – now gingham is ugly. Stripes are the only way to go one week, floral the next.
My friends would be the first to say that I love my clothes. I don’t necessarily love fashion, choosing to go with quirky off-the-wall looks and vintage pieces, but clothes are my passion. I have so many dresses I have lost count, my shoe collection is a point of much fear and debate for my unlucky boyfriend. You can, it turns out, love fashion and hate the fashion houses. You can wear the trends yet ignore vogue.
By all means listen to the columnists – it’s their industry, they know what they are talking about. But if you are wondering where the sanity went, here the are weird and wonderful things that I think should be totally ignored.
1. Scorts (or culottes as a young me knew them). Absurd creations – sewn in the middle like shorts, but still capable of exposing your knickers to the world like skirts. A strange and mystifying amalgamation that wasn’t cool in the 90s (even if I did wear them) and isn’t cool now. Just bye a pair of shorts, or a skirt, and be done with it!
2. Depression chic. The idea is great – using the depression/recession as a style influence – reusing old unwanteds, converting out-of-date items. Make do and mend has never been cooler or more on-topic. However, spending hundreds or thousands of pounds to get the truly penniless look? Ridiculous, and possibly offensive.
3. Paper fashion. Don’t get me wrong – origami dresses and paper accessories are beautiful. Stunning masterpieces of sculpture and originality. For a real person, however? Impossible? It is guaranteed that you would spill your drink onto your new paper ring, or down your sexy baroque necklace. Verdict? Downright stupid, if kinda cool!
4. Shoulder pads. Yes, they are suddenly all the rage again. Yes, designs can look sexy and fresh. In the real world, however, the majority of should pads? Idiotic. I’m talking about the massive gigantic super-pads here – the ones that extend a persons shoulders 2 foot in the air, or turn them into American Football wannabees. Can anyone look cool in this? Not, not even when the looks came straight for the high street.
Image courtesy of here.
5. Finally, I feel like ranting at pants man. What is pants man, I hear you ask (aside, of course, from a superhero invented by the rather appalling apprentice team…). Well, they are the boys who cannot resits flashing their bottoms, all be it covered up in the obligatory boxers. Boys – if girls want to see your buttocks, they will look at it in a lovely pair of trousers, or will even ask. Wearing your trousers around your knees – not pretty!