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Why clothes are out to get us… April 27, 2009

Posted by Lauren Cooke in Advice, Fashion, Rants.
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Fashion is, as we all know, a fickle friend. Blasting out of every speaker and dancing across the screen of all TVs, plastered across billboards and in all shop windows. It is impossible to miss, impossible to follow.

“Wear prints and only prints!!” One poster screams. “A Bold colour: The only way to go!!!” screams another. White is the new black, yellow is the new pink, orange is the new polka-dot. Now gingham is cool – now gingham is ugly. Stripes are the only way to go one week, floral the next.

My friends would be the first to say that I love my clothes. I don’t necessarily love fashion, choosing to go with quirky off-the-wall looks and vintage pieces, but clothes are my passion. I have so many dresses I have lost count, my shoe collection is a point of much fear and debate for my unlucky boyfriend. You can, it turns out, love fashion and hate the fashion houses. You can wear the trends yet ignore vogue.

By all means listen to the columnists – it’s their industry, they know what they are talking about. But if you are wondering where the sanity went, here the are weird and wonderful things that I think should be totally ignored.

skorts

1. Scorts (or culottes as a young me knew them). Absurd creations – sewn in the middle like shorts, but still capable of exposing your knickers to the world like skirts. A strange and mystifying amalgamation that wasn’t cool in the 90s (even if I did wear them) and isn’t cool now. Just bye a pair of shorts, or a skirt, and be done with it!

depression-chic

2. Depression chic. The idea is great – using the depression/recession as a style influence – reusing old unwanteds, converting out-of-date items. Make do and mend has never been cooler or more on-topic. However, spending hundreds or thousands of pounds to get the truly penniless look? Ridiculous, and possibly offensive.

paper-rings

3. Paper fashion. Don’t get me wrong – origami dresses and paper accessories are beautiful. Stunning masterpieces of sculpture and originality. For a real person, however? Impossible? It is guaranteed that you would spill your drink onto your new paper ring, or down your sexy baroque necklace. Verdict? Downright stupid, if kinda cool!

shoulder-pads

4. Shoulder pads. Yes, they are suddenly all the rage again. Yes, designs can look sexy and fresh. In the real world, however, the majority of should pads? Idiotic. I’m talking about the massive gigantic super-pads here – the ones that extend a persons shoulders 2 foot in the air, or turn them into American Football wannabees. Can anyone look cool in this? Not, not even when the looks came straight for the high street.

low jeans

Image courtesy of here.

5. Finally, I feel like ranting at pants man. What is pants man, I hear you ask (aside, of course, from a superhero invented  by the rather appalling apprentice team…). Well, they are the boys who cannot resits flashing their bottoms, all be it covered up in the obligatory boxers. Boys – if girls want to see your buttocks, they will look at it in a lovely pair of trousers, or will even ask. Wearing your trousers around your knees – not pretty!

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Comments»

1. Nikki - April 27, 2009

Brilliant post! Especially the bit about pants man. My brother is one of those. I shout at him regularly.

2. Nora Johnson - April 27, 2009

I’d like to add to your list 8 inch stiletto heels! Apparently the pressure transmitted through such a heel causing damage to floors etc is greater than that exerted by an elephant standing on one foot!

Quite a thought…

3. mysterycreature1 - April 27, 2009

Hi Nikki – it’s terrible isn’t it? Not a good look, but so many guys just don’t understand!

Hi Nora – thanks for dropping by. Quite a though indeed. I considered adding heels to the list, but though I might be hypocritcal. I own a few towering beauties (though not even 8inches) but also think they are ridiculous too!

4. Rachael - April 27, 2009

Yes, the pants always look like the wearer has pooped themselves – Not a fan!!

5. GC - April 28, 2009

wish that Grace Jones hair would come back–it’s very affordable and the Mister can tighten it up for me.

6. mysterycreature1 - April 28, 2009

Hi Rachael – I just can’t understand why guys would want to give girls that impression?!

Hi GC – affordable is great isn’t it. Exactly why going around and coming around is soo good – as long as it doesn’t get silly!

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11. ashemischief - April 30, 2009

Maybe I’m crazy, but I kind of like the skort! It’d be nice in the summer because the fabric between the legs can prevent sweat & chafing, but it’s still cool & breezy like a skirt!

12. mysterycreature1 - April 30, 2009

Hi Ashemis – I can kind of see what you mean. I think I don’t like them because I didn’t understand them as a kid, and that means I don’t understand them now!

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17. Fashion Gossips - May 1, 2009

I can do Origami and I think that paper accessories is a great idea and so cheap for everyone!

xo xo

18. mysterycreature1 - May 1, 2009

Hi Fashion Gossips – No arguement there – they just aren’t the most practical things in the word – any water and they are ruined!

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23. Cafe Fashionista - May 3, 2009

I love this post. I will never be able to truly embrace shoulder pads. Sure, they look fabulous on the Balmain models strutting down the catwalk; but on the average American? Not so great.

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26. yaya - May 8, 2009

you tell them about pants man!!! Everytime I see a fella with his underwear out in the open I cringe.

27. Bonne Vie - Links à la Mode - May 29, 2009

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