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A Handful of Neuroses September 6, 2009

Posted by Lauren Cooke in Depression, Life, Chatter & Politics.
Tags: , , , , ,

I have been a little… how shall we put it… neurotic for the past week or so. I get like this occasionally – being paranoid that people are laughing, disappointed by everything I do, and generally a little hysterical. I could blame hormones, I suppose – but I think I have to have my little madly manic periods in order to get back to an even keel!

Last night it all came to a head (especially if you ignore today’s lunchtime fiasco involving me panicking over beans on toast…), and ended with me in a sobbing hiccuping and completely unattractive mess in Ben’s arms in the corner of the room. And what was it that triggered this complete breakdown and loss of all dignity?

The worry that I won;t have a “nice house” when we move into the new flat.

Essentially I look at all the people I love around her, all of whom have beautiful well kept homes full of pretty things. I look at all this, admire it indefinitely, and then wish that my house was the same – a treasure trove of beautiful things, stunning yet comfy furniture and homely touches. Having not yet got a pair of sofas for the new flat, I am unhappy to carry on with our small, rat-chewed 2-seatersofa bed. I want two sofas that match, and on which guests can sit and be comfy.

After all the freaking out, illogical worries and impressively heart wrenching sobbing, Ben finally pointed something out to me. It didn’t fix the issue, but it put it into perspective. I am only 22. Many people my age haven’t even left home yet. I am in my first job, my first step on the ladder, and already I have upgraded from a studio flat. All the people I admire? They all have 5 – 10 years on me, and their homes aren’t that unattainable! Essentially, as Ben put it, I am jumping the gun, trying to surpass the possibilities of my age… and getting a little bit silly with it.

It is true! I am trying to achieve one hell of a lot with my few years. I have already achieved more than most people my age – I am determined, tenacious, and once I set my mind to something I get it done (unless distracted by cakes and biscuits!). I just need to take a step back and realise that what is meant to be will happen, and that a lack of sofas will not stop people being my friends.

Does anyone else have slightly crazy periods like this?


1. Michelle - September 6, 2009

I totally have neuroses like that, and I get the same way about the house too! I’m soo picky about the places we live. Of course, part of the problem is that I’d rather spend money on shoes than home decor, as well. Sigh.

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