So nearly the end February 25, 2010Posted by Lauren Cooke in Family, Life, Chatter & Politics.
Tags: break ups, Love, relationships
Last night my relationship of three years nearly ended. We didn’t argue, we didn’t shout – but the bottom fell out on me and everything I know.
I had been out with the girls, and then I came back and wrote a blog post. We went to bed, but clearly something wasn’t right – and when Ben asked what was wrong I found myself admitting that I wasn’t sure if our relationship worked.
I don’t think me saying it was a huge surprise. Despite loving each other deeply and truly, we had been drifting apart for months, and nowadays it sometimes seems like we are two disconnected people who happen to live in the same house. We are best friends, but that isn’t just what being in a relationship is about. I tended to be quiet and deeply buried in the media each night as an escape, whilst Ben talked to anyone and everyone he could online just to keep himself occupied. It wasn’t good, it wasn’t healthy, and it was bad enough for both of us to wonder if it was a sensible idea to keep battling on – or whether it would be fairer to split and go our separate but affectionate ways for a while.
Having sobbed most of the night, this morning I went back to the flat (I spent the night elsewhere, I didn’t think it was fair on either of us to stay around). We talked, we hugged, we both cried. We love each other so much that the idea of not being together was horrifying, terrifying, impossible to understand. Our lives are so intertwined that I wouldn’t know where to begin to untangle us.
So, because we love each other, we have agreed a few things to try and make it work. Because we owe it to ourselves, if nothing else, to not just give up on this. We owe it to ourselves to give it one last ditch attempt, to really put the effort it – to try and make this work. If it doesn’t work, then so be it – but we will know in our hearts that we did our best and it just wasn’t meant to be. And I honestly believe that whichever way it ends up in the long run, we will remain true friends.
So, here is what we are going to try and do.
- Computers are banned on the sofas. We aren’t banned from using them, but we have to be at the table, so it is clear we are writing or browsing – and so if we want to sit on the sofas we have to interact and talk and share.
- We have rearranged the room. Gone is the old cramped layout, and now everything is cleaner, friendly, more attuned to both our needs.
- I am to listen more – and at the same time be aware that Ben and I don’t have to do everything together. I can give him a break by going shopping with the girls – it doesn’t mean anything bad.
- Once a week we will try and have a “date night”. Not an expensive one, but just a night where we do something purely in each others company. Cook a posh meal, or see a film at the cinema. Go for a walk or attend a comedy night. We mustn’t take each other for granted any more.
- We are hopefully going to go away. Free from technology, we will spend a night or two just with each other, rediscovering what it is about each other that made us fall in love to start with.
Hopefully we can make it. Because my heart almost broke last night, and I can’t face that again any time soon.