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How I am Me May 13, 2010

Posted by Lauren Cooke in Life, Chatter & Politics, Wordy Business.
Tags: , , ,

Thanks to the wonderful Cie and Nat, I have been musing today. Musing, and perhaps moping a little, because I doubt I will ever be able to write anything half as eloquent as they have. In spite of this, however, I have decided to see if I can scribble down some of the things that have made me the person I am today.

I often wonder if I have always been “me”. Thanks to my wonderful parents, I had it drilled into me from a young age that I can be anything, and anyone, that I want to be. I spent most of my childhood trying to decide between being a fireman (yes, I hadn’t quite grasped gender) and a writer. Later on I set my sights on being an architect, until I realised I found the nitty gritty a little boring. If I had had any interest in being an astronaut, I have no doubt that I would have believed completely and utterly that I could do it, if I just put the effort in. For this, I salute my parents. Despite the fact that (as with most people) I had low self-esteem, my parents had still managed to instill in me a sense of self belief, and because of this I am quite grounded in who I am.

In fact, I think the me I am now is almost entirely down to my parents. Their views, their beliefs, the fact that they love me no matter what – this has created the me that has a well-rounded collection of opinions of my own. Without them I doubt I would be someone I respected, and I am so glad I am lucky enough to be close to them.

However, there is more to me that just the way I was bought up. Sixth Form was what really shaped me, discovering groups of friends and a social side to myself that I never knew existed. In a matter of weeks I suddenly established a network of friends who I was inseparable from. Never before or since have I known a group quite so close-knit – they saw every side of me, and supported me through all the dark times without hesitation. This was followed by uni, a time that hard, and sad, and brilliant and fabulous – with people to match.

I wouldn’t be the person I am today without my friends, although I see them far too rarely. People at home in Devon, who stopped me drifting away, are only seen a few times a year. My uni friends too are seen too rarely, although I love that they let me be as mad as silly as I want, and that they will join in. I hope that one day we will all live closer to each other, so that I will be able to see you more – and I promise that I will phone more often so that we can keep in contact. Thankfully now I have friends in the area who are shaping up to be very important people in my life, and of course I have Ben, who knows me inside and out – and has been house training me for some time now.

Sometimes, however, I wonder what it must be like to have a friend like Cie has in Nat and vica-versa. A person with whom you have shared a long relationship, someone you love completely and who loves you back. Someone who makes you brilliant and wonderful, and the very best version of yourself that you can be. I don’t have this yet, but I hope that one day I will. For now, however, I will just keep being deeply envious, and respectful of their wonderful relationship.



1. Caroline - May 13, 2010

Oh my god. If people could stop making me cry today it would be kinda nice…

Lovely post, and you’re right in that Nat makes me the best I can be. I am deeply respectful of our relationship too, and incredibly grateful for her every day.


2. Nat - May 13, 2010

Great post Lauren, it sounds like you had a very idyllic childhood!!

You must realise, I am exceptionally lucky to have a friend like Caroline. It was a series of random events that flung us together at university but if it were not for Caroline’s open, caring and accepting nature (as well as the obsessive demands to provide me with cups of tea) I would not necessarily have succumbed to her early badgering! I am ever thankful that she did. But still, it is a rare thing we have – many people have passed in and out of my life but non seem to have the same connection that I have found with Cie. But it does take some work, some acceptance of one another – warts and all – as well as an understanding of how each of us ticks. It has to work both ways in equal measure. And it takes time. Gone are the days of paranoia when we would wonder why we hadn’t heard from each other! Its been a relationship 10 years in the making and we are truly comfortable with each other. without wanting to offend Cie, its like an old pair of slippers!

So don’t be disheartened, that rare friendship is there for you, waiting somewhere. And that comfort will materialise before you even realise its in front of you.

I am exceptionally lucky. And you will be too!

Thank you for your kind words chick, see you soon!

3. Path to the Future « The Writer Side of Life - May 14, 2010

[…] extended blogging spheres to contemplate how they have reached their current place in life. Cie and Lauren both wrote very emotional pieces that show very different versions of How I Am Me. They are […]

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