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Blue Monday and Me January 18, 2011

Posted by Lauren Cooke in Depression.
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When I started yesterday, I was somewhat scornful about it being Blue Monday. Sure, I could understand why it might be one of the more depressing days of the year, what with so long until pay day and so long since Christmas, but I was in relatively high spirits. For the first time this year I was feeling healthy, and as far as I was aware that should be more than enough to keep me perky.

I should know better. There is nothing like a cocky attitude to trigger an onslaught of depression, and after a particularly stressful day at work I was ready to curl up and die. Well, not quite, but I certainly wasn’t up for anything more than lurking on the sofa and being all self-pitying.

Since recovering from the depression that hit me so hard in the summer, I have been happy. I have been feeling chirpy, and settled, and happy with the way my life is going in a way that I haven’t for a very long time. In fact, I would go so far as to say that everything has fallen into place, I feel I belong in the world I inhabit, and I enjoy everything that goes with it. I love my job, my friends, my family, my house. Life is good.

However, this doesn’t stop occasional moodiness. Last might I lay in bed, and I cried. I cried because I am a little hormonal, and above all else I really really wanted someone to lie down with me and cuddle me. Just to hold me so that I could go to sleep not feeling alone. I cried because my will power is non-existent, and because I hate my body at the moment and want it to be like it used to be. I cried just because I needed to, because I felt stressed and tried and empty inside, and I needed to vent.

I hate days like this.

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