So many “What Ifs” January 30, 2011Posted by Lauren Cooke in Travel.
I booked my round the world tickets yesterday. It was terrifying, but the cash has exchanged hands and all of a sudden I am £1300 down and in possession of the ability to visit three different country and completely separate myself from my day-to-day life for a grand total of three months.
It’s exciting. Obviously. After all, there lies in front of me such a path of adventure and excitement, there are so many friends for me to make in different corners of the globe, so many things for me to see, and do, and experience. Give me a week or so and the planning bug will have kicked in again, and I will be gibbering on about routes, and destinations, and I will be irritating anyone and everyone with my enthusiasm.
For now, however, I am freaking out.
Firstly, I am having a little emotional crisis about doing this alone. It has been a choice, I want to do it this way, but flying half way around the world and then surviving entirely alone for a quarter of a year. How will I do it? What if I’m not brave enough? What if I fail to make friends, and traipse my way around the globe thoroughly alone until returning to Britain in disgrace. Don’t get me wrong, hopefully this won’t be the case, but my mind is full of “what ifs” at the moment.
Then, of course, there is the life I leave behind. My job will be here when I come back, I am lucky about that, but I don’t know what will be happening with my house, this house I rent that I adore. Will there be any way to keep it? What about all of my friends? I spent so much of January being ill that I already feel isolated and alone, completely out of the circle of friends that I treasure so much. If it is like this after two weeks of absence, then what will it be like once I have been away for three months. How do I slip back into my life once it is done?
It is a scary thing. Very scary indeed.